5 children’s programmes I hate

February 1, 2011 § 10 Comments

Thanks again to KateTakes5 for the listography. So many programmes instantly sprang to mind that I worried once again about the level of TV consumption in my house. Made worse by 3yo just asking me if I was putting the wash on to “get rid of tough stains”…hmmm….

1. Barney. I’ve never seen more than one episode, which is on a children’s compilation I keep attempting to hide. Barney sounds like George from Rainbow on Crack. The children are apple-pie cute with sinister undertones of enforced stage schooling. It stretches the definition of saccharine. When the songs started my ears started bleeding.

2. Ben 10. “But your son is only 3!” I hear you cry, “what on earth is he doing watching such violent cartoons?” I can only say in my defence that I am powerless to fight against Other Half brandishing the remote control. OH loves Ben 10. And the Star Wars cartoon. And all manner of other age-inappropriate violence. And 3yo worships OH. 3yo, or should I say OH, has even started building up a collection of Ben 10 models.  What can I say. My hands are tied in the face of such powerful father-son bonding.

3. Special Agent Oso. In fact a very special mention should go to Playhouse Disney for the world’s worst children’s television. Special Agent Oso is evil. He seems to always be scheduled at a time when I’ve decided that some TV downtime is required, yet there is nothing else on. Handy Manny falls into a similar category. Special Agent Oso is about a very slow yellow teddy that is zapped down to earth to help children complete special tasks such as ‘tie their shoelaces.’ “How cute!” you may think. You’d be wrong. For your delectation, in case you haven’t yet had the privilege, I have included a link here to the joyful and not at all annoying ‘3 special steps’ song that will be echoing around my brain for eternity. Truly hideous.

4. Tweenies. Do I even need to explain? In a moment of madness I once bought the ‘Tweenies songtime DVD’ and it still sits in its wrapper on the DVD shelf. Yours if you want it. I’ll pay the postage.

5. Fireman Sam. It pains me to write this given the joy it has given my son over the years. However given the pain I feel when I hear the theme tune it deserves a mention. I can recite pretty much every episode. When a fire threatened Pontypandy in the feature-length special, I was willing Station Officer Steel to have a heart attack at the wheel, and Jupiter the fire engine to veer into the assembled crowd and slowly mutilate its residents. Starting with James and Sarah. I make no apologies for this.

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