my pet hates

March 4, 2011 § 12 Comments

I’m a bit worried that I’m going to come across as a horrible person. But Kate has asked for pet hates and my claws appear to be sharpening all by themselves.

1. I am a regular commuter into London. There is quite a trend, especially amongst city ladies, to accessorise ones very smart work skirt suit with ones super disgusting white gym trainers. I can’t tell you how much this winds me up. I understand that high heels are a bit of a pain, but if you’re choosing to wear them around the office from 9-5 then surely you’re quite used to walking in them? What on god’s earth makes you look down at your smartly clad self in your stockinged feet and then think ‘I know what this look needs. My ASICS trainers which were last in fashion sometime circa 1985. Probably still a bit pongy from the gym.’ Come on. If your heels are that painful it wouldn’t kill you to stick on a pair of ballet pumps for the walk to the station.

2. This is another sartorial one I’m afraid. Believe me I’m no style queen but a woman does have certain standards. I’m a firm believer you should never date a man who wears chinos. My company employs quite a lot of poshos. When these boys, frequently a little bit tubby around the middle and posterior due to that lunchtime expense account, don their ‘dress down’ attire I find myself wishing I had Gok Wan on speed-dial. Reality check, boys. Unless you are chino-ing in a stylish, ironic way, perhaps accessorised with your converse or some decent brogues and knitwear, your chinos with polo shirt (optional turned-up collar) look really ain’t cutting the mustard. It says ‘my mum still dresses me,’ or ‘I shop in Next for men.’ Must try harder.

3. When out driving, like Kate, I get very upset when people don’t say thank you. This happens to me A LOT. Can I just say, for the record, that I drive a BMW. Do abandon me at this point if you feel you must. I’m guessing there’s a lot of aggressive BMW drivers out there (do read Kate’s post for more on this.) However, contrary to how this post might make me seem, I am generally a kind person. Especially when driving. I used to drive a mini and only abandoned it when it became clear that the MacLaren would only fit in the front seat and I couldn’t fit in the baby and the shopping. People are lovely to mini drivers. I would be waved at, smiled at, hooted at. Now? I can let a whole queue of people out in front of me. Not one wave. People suddenly get something in their eye when approaching me trying to turn out of the side road they are slowly inching past. I get randomly sworn at. People race to take me over. I appreciate that I am probably now playing the world’s smallest violin and that no one is feeling any pity. Fair enough. Just if you see a harrassed mum out and about in her Chelsea tractor (which incidentally she didn’t choose), and she lets you out in front of her, could you maybe consider giving her a teeny tiny little wave or nod of the head in acknowledgement?

4. Exclamation marks. Overuse of. When expecting my first baby I read Jools Oliver’s book about pregnancy and preparation for birth. It! Was! Too! Cutesy! By! Half! Seriously, google it. Read an extract. A whole heap of sugar coated waffle and far too many of these! Don’t even get me started on smileys 🙂 

5. Kind regards. This is now the email signoff du jour. I once worked at British Airways where the marketing staff shortened it to ‘krgds.’ Even worse. What if my feelings for you aren’t kind? Surely there should be more imaginative ways of ending email correspondence. ‘Smell ya later’ perhaps, or ‘Whatevs.’ I’ve started writing ‘ta lovies’ at the end of mine, to see if my work colleagues will stop kind regarding me back. Hasn’t worked yet.

kind regards,



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§ 12 Responses to my pet hates

  • Hannah says:

    haha, brilliant list. I can agree with every one of them. It doesn’t matter whether you drive a BMW or a robin reliant, you should always get thanked for letting people out when you’re driving. (The fact that you drive a BMW and let people out is amazing… hehe)

    As the exclamation marks. That annoys me too!!!!!! I read Jools’ pregnancy book and although I did enjoy it, it was verging on sickeningly cute. I hate sickeningly cutesy things. Except for my child.

    And I think I may adopt your “ta lovies” signoff – so much better than Kind Regards. I always feel like such a toff-y twat saying that. Maybe I should stick to my Stoke roots and signoff with “Cheers Duck” – much more me I reckon x

  • I love cheers duck, that’s a winner I reckon x

  • Kate Takes 5 says:

    A very fine list. I fear I may have been snubbed by one too many female BMW drivers and now do that thing of making sure I never let them out – when of course if it was Mini I’d be smiling and waving them ahead.
    You’ll be happy to know that 4×4’s are fast becoming the new BMWs though. (You’ve got one of them too don’t you…?)

  • ruth says:

    ha ha ha…that’s a brilliant list. so funny. I used to feel like shaking people in their suits and trainers on the bus and asking ‘WHY?’. Same goes for 🙂 but all of a sudden, i find myself doing it on twitter – only to people i don’t already know. must be desperately trying to prove i’m not a sour faced-old cow for some reason!!!!!:)!!!!! X

    • know what you mean…and actually sometimes in emails you do have to overuse exclamation marks otherwise it’s easy to misconstrue the tone of what you’re saying and you can come across as unintentionally stroppy. It’s a minefield, I tell you.

  • Him Up North says:

    What’s wrong with Next for men? *looks crestfallen*

    Kind regards,


  • SAHMlovingit says:

    HAHA 🙂 😀 😛

    Brilliant list. I hate the overuse of exclamation marks. I was a member of a baby forum a couple of years ago and there was one girl who finished every sentence with one and it used to really irritate me.

    I never used to be one for smilies but I’ve started to use them more and more on twitter and I now find them creeping into my blog.

    In work we always used to have to sign off kind regards and it always felt so yuck.

    Anyway, I’m off to team my trainers with my suit!!!!!! 🙂 Make sure my husband has a pair of chinos!!!!!! 🙂 We will go for a ride and be really rude!!!!!!! 🙂

    Kind regards

  • Circus Queen says:

    Very entertaining. I am guilty of the smilies though but it’s because I’ve been taken the wrong way a few too many times when I was joking. <– I resisted the temptation to add an exclamation mark there too. Oh dear.

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