my pet hates
March 4, 2011 § 12 Comments
I’m a bit worried that I’m going to come across as a horrible person. But Kate has asked for pet hates and my claws appear to be sharpening all by themselves.
1. I am a regular commuter into London. There is quite a trend, especially amongst city ladies, to accessorise ones very smart work skirt suit with ones super disgusting white gym trainers. I can’t tell you how much this winds me up. I understand that high heels are a bit of a pain, but if you’re choosing to wear them around the office from 9-5 then surely you’re quite used to walking in them? What on god’s earth makes you look down at your smartly clad self in your stockinged feet and then think ‘I know what this look needs. My ASICS trainers which were last in fashion sometime circa 1985. Probably still a bit pongy from the gym.’ Come on. If your heels are that painful it wouldn’t kill you to stick on a pair of ballet pumps for the walk to the station.
2. This is another sartorial one I’m afraid. Believe me I’m no style queen but a woman does have certain standards. I’m a firm believer you should never date a man who wears chinos. My company employs quite a lot of poshos. When these boys, frequently a little bit tubby around the middle and posterior due to that lunchtime expense account, don their ‘dress down’ attire I find myself wishing I had Gok Wan on speed-dial. Reality check, boys. Unless you are chino-ing in a stylish, ironic way, perhaps accessorised with your converse or some decent brogues and knitwear, your chinos with polo shirt (optional turned-up collar) look really ain’t cutting the mustard. It says ‘my mum still dresses me,’ or ‘I shop in Next for men.’ Must try harder.
3. When out driving, like Kate, I get very upset when people don’t say thank you. This happens to me A LOT. Can I just say, for the record, that I drive a BMW. Do abandon me at this point if you feel you must. I’m guessing there’s a lot of aggressive BMW drivers out there (do read Kate’s post for more on this.) However, contrary to how this post might make me seem, I am generally a kind person. Especially when driving. I used to drive a mini and only abandoned it when it became clear that the MacLaren would only fit in the front seat and I couldn’t fit in the baby and the shopping. People are lovely to mini drivers. I would be waved at, smiled at, hooted at. Now? I can let a whole queue of people out in front of me. Not one wave. People suddenly get something in their eye when approaching me trying to turn out of the side road they are slowly inching past. I get randomly sworn at. People race to take me over. I appreciate that I am probably now playing the world’s smallest violin and that no one is feeling any pity. Fair enough. Just if you see a harrassed mum out and about in her Chelsea tractor (which incidentally she didn’t choose), and she lets you out in front of her, could you maybe consider giving her a teeny tiny little wave or nod of the head in acknowledgement?
4. Exclamation marks. Overuse of. When expecting my first baby I read Jools Oliver’s book about pregnancy and preparation for birth. It! Was! Too! Cutesy! By! Half! Seriously, google it. Read an extract. A whole heap of sugar coated waffle and far too many of these! Don’t even get me started on smileys 🙂
5. Kind regards. This is now the email signoff du jour. I once worked at British Airways where the marketing staff shortened it to ‘krgds.’ Even worse. What if my feelings for you aren’t kind? Surely there should be more imaginative ways of ending email correspondence. ‘Smell ya later’ perhaps, or ‘Whatevs.’ I’ve started writing ‘ta lovies’ at the end of mine, to see if my work colleagues will stop kind regarding me back. Hasn’t worked yet.