save your sanity, do not buy Jools Oliver’s pregnancy book

June 16, 2011 § 5 Comments

Going through my bookshelves yesterday desperately trying to find a good book to re-read, I came across Jools Oliver’s book about parenting, “minus nine to one.” Before I give you a flavour of what the lovely Jools has to offer us mums to be, let me first apologise to the friend who lent me this book. You are great. However I’m sorry this book isn’t for me. And sorry again because I think you lent this to me after your first pregnancy which means I am a bad friend as you are now a mum of two.

So without further ado, let me offer you some choice excerpts from this parenting “manual.”

“Pregnancy heightened my sense of smell. But, ironically, I didn’t like air fresheners – oh, it’s a barmy old world!”

“Poppy was a real kicker and, for some reason, if I drank a glass of Coke it really got her going!” Er, the sugar and the caffeine, maybe? Isn’t your husband some kind of nutritional expert?

“My belly button reminded me of an oven timer – one minute it was an inny and the next, ‘ping’, and it was an outy. Fascinating!” Truly.

“In my last trimester I had a sudden burst of energy which I channelled into cleaning the house! I will touch on this later in the chapter, as it often had very funny consequences!” (Believe me, it didn’t.)

“Both my girls have music boxes on their cots. What really makes us laugh sometimes in the middle of the night is when we hear DJ Dizzy Daisy and DJ Poppy Pops mixing the Mozart decks!”

“What was all this fuss about cracked nipples and sore boobs that we were warned about at NCT. Mine felt fabulous!” Thanks for sharing.

One of my favourite sections of this highly useful book is where Jools lists the contents of her hospital bag. There are no fewer than 30 toiletry items, individually listed, including hairbrush and mini hairdryer, straightening hair balm, spot cream and plasters. In case you want to emulate labour preparation a la Jools she has even usefully listed every item of clothing she took with her, the size, and where she bought it from. Her cowboy boots are from Top Shop by the way. Truly, there is nothing left to the imagination. And I don’t think I ever ever want to see an exclamation mark again.

Do not buy this book.

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