new mum ‘meh’
July 18, 2011 § 3 Comments
I think ‘meh’ sums up how I’m feeling right now. I’m not postnatally depressed, I wouldn’t even say I have the ‘baby blues’. Just the family dynamic has changed and there are two small highly energetic boys who need extra attention, plus an even smaller screamy thing that needs constant feeding and changing. OH and I are both overtired, my hormones are trying to settle down, everyone seems a bit on edge, a bit crackly.
As a pregnant woman everyone spoils you. You are the object of attention. People admire your bump. Tell you you are ‘blooming.’ Then suddenly the baby arrives, quite rightly the centre of attention. And what of the mum, the vessel? Well she’s the overweight, overtired being who is sat on the sofa, leaking milk, still bleeding, trying her best to get her hair brushed once a day and maybe waving a mascara wand in the direction of her already blackened eyes.
Does this sound a bit dramatic? Maybe. But I’m sure most mums know how I feel. This may sound shallow and perhaps it is, but I think if I looked better, I would feel better. Yesterday, a friend of mine very kindly took 4yo out on a wet afternoon with her and her family. She arrived at the door, dressed for the rain in a gorgeous tea dress, cropped leather jacket and wellies, mascara well-applied, hair well-brushed. She looked absolutely gorgeous. And I looked at myself, squeezed into my pre-pregnancy jeans, oversized sweater covering up the middle squishy bit, hair already growing out of what I thought would be a low maintenance stylish short bob and into the shape of a pudding bowl. And I thought, I bet Victoria Beckham doesn’t have this problem. I bet her nutritionist, stylist, hairdresser and manicurist were all lining up awaiting her arrival home from the hospital.
Still, on the plus side I don’t have a nutritionist keeping me away from extra helpings of cake. I may feel a bit crap but cake is one thing a breastfeeding, tired mother can not cut back on. If it means the squishy bit remains a bit longer than I’d like, it’s a sacrifice I’m happy to make.