Freak like me
October 28, 2011 § 2 Comments
I have one rogue eyebrow hair. It is bright orange and has the consistency of wire wool. ‘Orange eyebrow hair from hell’ manages to camouflage itself behind its black counterparts and only springs out when it is about the length of a finger. Like this morning. “Woah!” I shrieked upon first looking in the mirror. I look like a cross between the Gruffalo and Dennis Healy (former chancellor of exchequer, tremendous brows).
I only encounter orange eyebrow hair from hell every couple of months or so, but I have to confess that it is with a slightly heavy heart that I reach for the tweasers. I am secretly fond of it.
When I was at secondary school, my classmates used to use an angle measurer to assess how much my eyebrows were sticking out each morning. It has always perplexed me why parents elect to not help their poor teenage daughters out more in the arena of self-grooming. Not only neglecting to show me how to pluck or trim my monobrow, I remember my mum trying to persuade me that my blonde leg hairs should never be shaved, because they would only go dark and become more noticeable. In this she spoke the truth, but blonde downy leg fluff ain’t the look you’re after either, when you’ve got your legs out half the year. Not letting me grow up too quickly is presumably the reason she also refused to allow me near a tampon for about the first year of menstruating. Thanks mum.
Obviously these days I’m all over the hair removal thing. My eyebrow has become plural and apart from orange eyebrow hair from hell, growth remains mostly under control.
I do have other weird features that I should hate but I love. Am I alone in this? Blemishes such as ‘sexy mole’ (right knee) and ‘spaceship birthmark’ (left ribcage) I have grown to love. I have made my peace with ‘witch toes’ (second two toes longer than big toe) and ‘mosquito lump’ (right calf, looks like I’ve been bitten and even worse now it’s supposedly been removed). I hope my children grow to love their imperfections too. I may just encourage them not to take geometry.